Technoference and relationship maintenance

Technoference is the interruption in interpersonal communication caused by attention paid to personal technological devices (Cepeda, 2018).

Numerous cross studies have shown that a relationship requires 5 specific categories in order to be maintained (Ledbetter, 2013). These categories are:

• 1. Positivity (being nice)
• 2. Openness (self-disclosure)
• 3. Assurances (affirming commitment to the relationship)
• 4. Socialising (spending time with common friends)
• 5. Shared Tasks (doing chores together)

Personal technological devices have the ability to sabotage all the above categories. Here is why: Your mobile phone is your constant companion. It provides instant affirmation, answers, entertainment and information, all within the click of a button. The best part is that it comes with no admin, no moods, no questioning, no responsibilities and no commitments. Your only requirement is to keep it charged and keep it paid up. The Cost-Benefit Analysis of this partnership would appear to be very beneficial.

However, have you ever stopped to think what this partnership actually says to you… without actually speaking? What it shows you… without actually seeing? Thus, begins a process of comparisons, namely that…

1. Other people are:
• 1.1 Looking better than you
• 1.2 More successful than you
• 1.3Going on holidays and you aren’t

2. Other people have:
• 2.1 More friends than you
• 2.2 Better jobs than you
• 2.3 More loving and devoted partners than you

All of the above unlocks conscious or subconscious cognitive processing which leads to rumination. This rumination creates an inner distraction which becomes obsessive, and results in needing to see more of what ‘others’ are doing and having. The end result is a breakdown in the 5 criteria needed for relationship maintenance because:

• 1. Your cognitive comparisons cause a feeling of inadequacy which leads to low mood. This compromises Positivity.
• 2. Negativity creates withdrawal because you’re ruminating. This sabotages Openness.
• 3. Insecure feelings escalate, which leads to less communication and this limits Assurances.
• 4. Less communication drives interacting with friends on a social media platform as it’s effortless. This inhibits Socialising together with your partner.
• 5. As your activity levels reduce, so does your commitment to Chores, and your partner feels neglected and resentful.

In addition to all of the above, your habitual relationship with your phone will make your partner feel invisible and give them the message ‘this is more interesting than you. This can give me more than you can. This can entertain me better than you can. This isn’t hard work – you are.” The questions remain…. Who are you really in a relationship with? And what is the cost-benefit analysis now?

To limit technoference in your relationship, try adopt a few of the following tips below:

• 1. When you get home:
  • 1.1) Put your phone on silent
  • 1.2) Keep your phone in a specific place that becomes habitual. This place needs to be away from where you and your partner cohabit.
  • 1.3) Make a rule that you are only allowed to check your phone an hour after you arrive and an hour before bedtime. Better yet, make a joint rule where you and your partner have your ‘check in’ times together
• 2. Give yourself a time limit to respond to only the most urgent matters
• 3. Talk to your partner about the messages you receive.
• 4. Ensure your partner has your password – any healthy, transparent relationship has no phone secrets. Your partner should be able to access your phone on any occasion and feel comfortable with how you have communicated/interacted.
• 5. Become aware of the people on social media that have a negative effect on you. Choose to ‘declutter’ to allow for a more positive frame of mind. Share this with your partner.
• 6. Avoid reading articles that are disturbing or sensationalising – they are triggers for obsessive thinking and secondary trauma.
• 7. Unsubscribe from emails that clog up your mailbox and cause you to look at your phone unnecessarily.
• 8. Use your commuting time to ‘clear out’ your social clutter.

This newfound partnership will ensure that you control it, instead of it controlling you.

10 Habits to Enrich your Work Environment

$14.81 billion is the cost of conflict and stress on the Australian economy each year. Stress-related absenteeism directly costs Australian organisations $10.11 billion a year. On average, 3.2 days per worker are lost each year due to workplace stress which equates to 385 million working days per year (Cridland, 2019).

Statistics are demonstrating how pervasive conflict is in the workplace as 85% of employees deal with conflict on some level and 49% of conflict is the result of personality clashes (Short, 2016).

This isn’t surprising considering that the average workplace today hosts a rich cultural diversity amongst colleagues, as well as different developmental ages and stages of life. The blend is a rigmarole of people with different needs, priorities, work ethics, work expectations, as well as individuals with different personality types, resilience levels and intellectual and emotional abilities. The question then remains… how does one take all these ingredients and blend them into a healthy work culture?

Consider the following 10 Habits:

1. Mutual respect: Individuals need to treat each other equally, regardless of their role as they are all part of the wheels that make the cog turn. If you are a superior, check yourself frequently to assess your leadership skills: be cautious of overly controlling, self-indulgent or hostile interactions. If you are a subordinate, check your receptiveness to receiving instructions: be cautious of non-assertive, timorous behaviours.
2. Study your superior: Understand their likes, dislikes, ways of working and culture. Ask them outright how they prefer things done: what works for them and what doesn’t. Understand their work role as this will help you to understand their boundaries.
3. Study your subordinate: Observe their way of thinking, their work speed, resilience levels and commitment levels. Understand their work role so that you don’t delegate unfairly.
4. Realistically assess expectations: Differentiate between expectations that are non-negotiable (work quality, safety and standards) from expectations that may be negotiable (some work deadlines). See where there is room to accommodate without indulging.
5. Be transparent about your way of working: Help your subordinates to get to know you by having insightful conversations with them that help them to know what your expectations are and help you to assess whether those expectations are reasonable.
6. Planning: This will assist both you and your team to feel more equipped and in control and avoid potential micro-managing issues.
7. Give and receive clear instructions: Give your subordinates time to ask questions so that the picture is clear of what is required. Similarly, be sure that you fully understand instructions given from supervisors, as anxiety escalates when the task is obscure, and time is wasted trying to attempt vague guidelines.
8. Schedule weekly feedback meetings: Highlight what is working and what isn’t working and allow changes in the system to develop as the workload develops.
9. Affirmation: Decide if you want to be an encourager. Start by being the person you want others to be to you.
10. Exercise gratefulness: Having work in today’s climate is a real blessing. Being able to appreciate the work you do and the workplace you do it in can have lasting consequences for yourself and those around you.

Let your workplace be ‘the home away from home’ and your colleagues ‘your extended family’.

So, if like family, we understand that there are pressures of life with highlights and lowlights. Know that families talk to each other and support each other during those times. They check on each other, mentor each other and communicate gentler during those seasons. If you’re part of a family, you are part of a culture. Exercise those habits with your work family.